Adult Truths
1 Sometimes I'll look down
at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than
that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those
times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for
a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you
supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive
really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs
to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my
neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a
lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the
last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good
stories.
11. You never know when it
will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just
aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree
to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly
terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes
to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's
phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer
deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay
Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin
with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had
an "Avoid Scary Neighborhood" routing option.
18. I have a hard time
deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it
appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you
still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of
camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting
in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty.
Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them
forever.
22. Even under ideal
conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding
their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can
find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes
closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular
guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was
used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their
brain is also important.
No comments:
Post a Comment