Poked, Prodded and Physicals

There something about having a physical exam that bothers me. I begin fretting over the exam as soon as it's scheduled. This morning I just went through an exam (11/20), my first in five years. It's not like I haven't been to a doctors' office since then, with yearly allergist visits, shoulder surgery in 2014, a knee problem in 2016 that required multiple physical therapist appointments, the optometrist, and, my favorite, a colonoscopy in 2016. But no general overall body physical.

It came down to this. My wife and I go to the same doctor. She had to see our doctor a few months ago and he realized I hadn't been in for quite a while. Doctor tells wife, wife tells husband, husband goes to doctor. It's a vicious cycle that I have no control over.

I'm always worried about being clean before visiting the doctor, so I showered just before having to leave. Since you are going to be poked and touched all over and feel a bit icky again, I'm not quite sure why I feel like that, but I get as clean as possible. Just like brushing my teeth right before going to the dentist, hey, did I ever say I was normal? 

Due to plantar fascia issues in one foot I haven't been able to run. I've biked and swam, lifted weights, but no running. In my youth (pre-age 40) I couldn't put on weight no matter what I ate. Now I can look at a cupcake and gain a pound if I'm not regularly running. I've put on 6 pounds in the last month. At this rate I will be the next Michelin Man, without having to wear a costume.

My first issue with a physical exam is being weighed in. They never let me take off my shoes, so there's 1.5 - 2lbs. Then my clothes. I don't expect a naked weigh-in, but give me a few pounds off for the clothes, right? No. My weight, that she actually wrote in the chart (damn the nurse) was huge. HUGE. Then I had my blood pressure taken with the machine. I hate the machine! It always gives me high numbers, always. It's just a machine, not magic, and needs to be calibrated constantly, but they aren't. Nurses, no offense if you are reading this, don't want to hear me complain about the machine. This makes my blood pressure go up even more. According to their machine my heart was about to burst from my chest and circle the earth. The nurse wrote that number in my chart. WTF. Now, before even seeing the doctor, I'm fat and have extraordinarily high BP. Great.

Fortunately my Doctor is a good, reasonable, funny man. He asked questions, typed information into the computer, poked me here and there, looked for weird growths, all that stuff. He gave me suggestions for the plantar fascia, without telling me to stop running because I'm too old. At one point, when I expressed feeling like an old man at times, he said I have the health and body of a 30 year old. That may be a bold-faced lie, (I'm 61 on Wednesday), but I'll take it.

The Doc also used a manual blood pressure cuff. The top number was 35pts lower than the machine! He tested my balance, checked my joints, gave me the DWI eyes closed finger to nose test, and found that I truly do have a heart. I also agreed to my first ever flu shot. I'm good to go for another few years, or until the next time the doctor tells my wife to tell me to get in to see him!