Master of the Monroe Community College Pool?

The MCC pool temperature is always a bit, let's say...refreshing. I seriously thought about not swimming today because of laziness and the anticipation of the cold water. With only one week of the pool being open for lap swimming, at least until summer hours are posted, if they ever will be (there are times the pool is closed except for little kids camps) I decided swimming today was a must.

There was only one other swimmer at the pool, one of those fast swimming girls from the MCC team. I knew she was fast because everyone on our women's team is fast, they won the National Championship again this year. I decided to do repeat 100's. One hundred without a buoy, 100 with the buoy. My splits were good and I felt like my form was too. I concentrated on changing my breathing, three strokes or four usually, and powering off the walls. I don't do flip turns, figuring there aren't many chances to do flip turns during lake swims, so why bother now? I tried to stretch out and float along the water and actually did 3 of my fastest 100's using that method.

The MCC woman was doing lots of different drills and swim strokes. At one point I looked over and was beating her down the pool! I was so proud when I finished the lap until I saw she was doing a drill and swimming using one arm. I had barely beat her. Near the end of my workout I decided to end with two fast 50yd freestyle sprints. My first one was 53, not great, not bad. My second one was 52. During the last hard 50 I saw the girl float by me. I was beat and ended my 1350 yards with an easy 50 using the buoy. I left the pool, sat on a bench covering my bulbous stomach with my towel and timed the MCC swimmer. She was doing 50yd repeats at a consistent 36-38 seconds with no more than a 10 second recovery. It looked like she was just floating on top of the water. The repeats weren't taxing her like my 52 second ones did me.

My emotions ran from jealousy, to admiration to thinking of asking her for tips. I may have been the Master of the pool due to my advanced age, but definitely wasn't the Master swimmer.

Little Bitty

One of country music's biggest stars, Alan Jackson, has a song called "Little Bitty". Jackson sings about how it's okay to be from a small town, with a small house and you can still be happy. 

I bring this up because Itty Bitty is what I saw yesterday while swimming at the MCC pool. The pool is open M-F from 12:00-1:50 and like most pools in this area it's a crap shoot as to when it will be busy. When I walked into the pool area at 12:15 it was packed. Every lane was full and lane one had two people in it. This was quite unusual. So I sat on the bench not sure what to do. I'm always hesitant about going up to a stranger and asking to share their lane. After a few minutes the lifeguard made a young woman from lane two move over into lane one so I could have a lane. I told the guard she didn't have to do that, but she said they wouldn't care.

The female swimmers were from the MCC swim team and really fast. One of them could use the kickboard and go down the lane faster than me. I grabbed my buoy and swam a 1:38 for 100yds, my fastest ever, and still couldn't keep up. 

About ten minutes later a couple of male team members came to swim. One dove into my lane (without even asking, the nerve!) and swam like a dolphin. I hated him immediately. As he was diving in I caught a glimpse of his suit, which covered about this much of his body;

Talk about Itty Bitty! Really? We weren't in a meet, was this really necessary? More reasons to hate him, young, with hair on his head, looking good in a tiny suit and fast. I tried to swim faster, with and without the buoy, I couldn't come close to staying up with him, especially with his flip turns. I did outlast him though, or he got tired of swimming in a lane with the old guy, as he moved over after a few laps with his teammates. I wonder if Jackson would approve of this Little Bitty suit?

Honey You Shrunk My Suit

As I write this it is early February, 15 inches of snow on the ground and for the first time since August I decided to go swimming. The pool at Monroe Community College is open MWF from 12-1. All the lanes were full today, but I got there a few minutes early and snagged one.

While changing in the locker room I noticed my tri swim suit was a bit tighter than I remember. It didn’t take much string to tighten around my waist. Pulling up the trunks over my thighs took a bit more effort. What did Jan do to my suit? It’s been sitting in the dresser drawer for five months. Jan must have washed my suit last August and shrunk it! Darn her.

As I sucked in my gut and draped my towel discreetly over my shoulders across my bulging belly I realized Jan may not have shrunk the suit. Hmmm. Maybe the wine/Bourbon/cookie desserts have to be cut back? Wait now, maybe a few extra pounds will help with flotation and my legs won’t sink?

Turns out that wasn’t true either. I swam like a porpoise for 175 yards before swallowing two gallons of water and coming up spewing like Mt. Etna (except water instead of lava). From then on it was 50 yards of swimming and 30 seconds of gasping.

Thankfully that is about how I left swimming in August, so at least my technique and conditioning haven’t deteriorated!

London Olympics 2012 Fashion

There are some confusing apparel changes at this year's Olympics. The women's beach volleyball players are no longer required to wear bikinis, though some choose to for the bottom. Many are wearing full length suits! This is disappointing and takes a lot away from the sport for many male viewers (not me, of course).

The male beach volleyball players can wear the same baggy shirts and long shorts as in previous Olympics.

Then we have the female divers who are in full suits, but male divers are required to wear less than a small speedo. I have yet to figure out how the men cram everything into such a tight space. Must be shrinkage from the cold water? No wonder they jump in a hot tub as soon as they get out of the pool.

Triathlon Racing Suggestions

http://www.5min.com/Video/How-to-Race-Faster-in-Triathlons-2-29683709
Watch this video to learn how to align yourself for the swim, techniques to use in the water (use your legs a bit more the last 2-300m to loosen them up for the bike), and getting prepped for T1.

Practice T1 and T2 so you have the routine down. Much easier to save a minute in transition and come out relaxed than it is to run or bike a minute faster.

Biking Around the Lake

If two numbskulls take a right turn and race down a hill on their bikes, wondering why the rest of the group isn't following, will anyone care? I had a bad feeling something was amiss as we passed the Bristol Harbor golf course, which I had never seen on previous rides near Canandaigua Lake. But Mike and I were having so much fun, riding at 35 mph even with brakes pumping on and off, that we continued.

We reached the bottom and that's when Mike heard his phone. Jan had left a message, they were on the opposite end of Seneca Point Rd, waiting for our return. They had screamed at us to stop, but we couldn't hear with the wind whizzing past our ears. It was my fault, direction guy, even with a highlighted map I chose the wrong way to turn. We began to snake our way up the mountain, yes it was a hill going down, but a 9% grade going up is a mountain. Mike walked for a bit, but I was able to bike, albeit slowly, back and forth across and gradually up the mountain. After I pulled 50 yards ahead, Mike got back on his bike, but pulled an Artie Johnson and fell over. "C'mon, stop playing around Mike", I yelled. "But I'm bleeding!" Mike said. "Don't make me come back down this mountain you baby, get up and ride". Oh yeah, I'm tough.

Eventually Mike got on his bike and powered up the road. Well, pushed the pedals and slowly inched his way along. A few golfers stopped and shook their clubs at us. Evidently our swearing had disturbed their swings. Fifteen or more minutes after taking the wrong turn we finally re-joined our peloton. I think they had lunch while we were gone.

We continued on our way back to Canandaigua and Kershaw Park, ending a beautiful day with a swim in the 66 degree water, two of us opting to end the swim fairly quickly.

Thoughts on Life

1. Is it really wrong to practice my freestyle swim stroke when walking around the library at work?

2. We aren't supposed to have a lot of contact with people due to the swine flu. My entire day is spent taking books, dvd's, handing out a bathroom key (yucky) and people breathing/sneezing/coughing on me at the Reference desk. Guess I should retire?

3. Why did New York citizens spend 1.5 billion dollars on Yankee stadium, yet the outfield walls are in too close and one of the tunnels to the field help push the balls further, thus increasing home runs.
Too bad this doesn't seem to help the home team win.

4. Why am I watching more baseball on tv than Lou or Mike, and it's always the Yankees, and they seem to be losing a lot?

5. I really don't like biking into the wind, downhill, and having to pedal just as hard as going up a hill. This doesn't seem fair.

6. We are supposed to drink 8 glasses of water a day, plus more fluids to offset dehydration from exercise. But if I pee many times a day (which I do), then the tv commercials tell me I need a drug because my friends will leave me behind in the bathroom and continue having fun without me. This makes me sad.
Well, it would make me sad, but most of my friends are long-distance athletes and always drinking and peeing. Sometimes they even find a tree or bush. We have a code; "Leave no pee-er behind".
Who needs drugs with friends like that?

7. Television also tells me I need a drug because I get up at night to pee. Yet I'm supposed to drink all these fluids that have a tendency to make me pee. This is quite a conundrum. If I can't pee so much during the day, I can't pee at night, when exactly am I supposed to relieve myself?
I think the stop-pee drug makers and the bottled water distributors are in business together or it's a government conspiracy.

8. Here's a joke. Two women walk into a bike store. Let's call them Jan and Eileen and the bike store can be named Full Moon Vista.

Jan and Eileen walk into Full Moon Vista during a Women's Only Sales Event. Credit cards in hands, husbands at home, no kids. Jan and Eileen get to ride bikes costing double or triple what they now own. Hmmm. The ladies like the bikes, a lot, what a surprise, the bikes weigh about the same as a chocolate cupcake with vanilla icing. They want to buy the bikes. There is the good angel on their left shoulder, the devil on the right shoulder. What should they do? Hmmm.

Well, we really don't know what they are going to do, time will tell. Where's the punchline? I forgot to write one because this is no joke. Full Moon Vista knows how to market.

Why I Can't Swim

Finally, this morning, I discovered the absolute reason why, after 1000 yards or so, I can barely move through the pool.

Today was the first day of open lap swimming at the new Spencerport pool. Beginning at 8am, Eileen, Jan and I eagerly jumped into the pool for the first leg of the McTri. We were lucky, one of the lifeguards was the fourteen year old daughter of SuperMasterWoodworker/sometime runner/kayaker, Mark. I'm sure she didn't go home and tell the parental units how pitiful I looked in the pool (or out of it).

While Jan and Eileen torpedoed through the water like sharks going after prey, I splashed and slogged along. The longer I swam the more my butt and legs seemed to be sinking. I tried to find my buoy the experts always talk about. I thought about making myself long, floating through the water, extending out. Imagining myself to be Michael Phelps didn't help.

After 1200 measly yards I was reduced to backstroking 25, freestyle 25, and so on, until finally getting to my goal of 1500 yards. On a positive side I only lost 25 seconds or so for every 100 yards when doing the backstroke. Which really only proves how slow I am in the freestyle.

As I was attempting to exit the pool, Jan told me how huge my butt looked. I turned around and ...she was right! My butt grew by about 200 pounds. Somehow my body absorbs much of the water in the pool and accumulates it in my buttal area. (is buttal a word?). Evidently I never noticed this phenomena before. No wonder the bottom half of my body sinks, my arms tire, and breathing becomes difficult.

After the swim the three of us biked 15.7 miles in 28 degree weather, then Jan and I ran 4 miles while Eileen went home to run solo. I don't know how far Eileen the Dolphin swam, but Torpedo Jan went 2000 yards in less time than I swam 1600.

Now I have to search Google and discover how to keep from gaining 200 pounds while swimming.

Why Swim on a Friday Night?

Top ten reasons to swim tonight.

10. It’s cold outside, the water will feel warm
9. I’m going to get to the locker room first and get a big locker!
8. I need to train to swim far and fast for 15 minutes to beat Jan, Mike and Lou at the Tri at the Y in December.
7. My rubber ducky is anxious to go for a swim in a big pool instead of the tub.
6. Two workouts in one day, yeah!
5. I like wearing a buoy between my legs.
4. The goggles make me look cool.
3. I get to show off my James Bond look-alike body.
2. My swim trunks are the best, who else has pockets with Kleenex?
1. Mr. and Mrs. W (Spencerport buddies) will be there.

Follicly Challenged

Our society takes the amount of hair on one's head (especially men's heads) much too seriously. Too much money is spent on hair care products (for those with hair, the bastards), combs, brushes- what mature male has enough hair for a brush? - styling gels, salons and other nonsense.

In my youth I had lots of hair; bushy, thick, brown hair. It hung out my football helmet, proved my manhood, was seldom cut, and actually curled more than I liked. Now I have a few strands in front and on the sides, a bit on top, just a bit, enough to make me think I have a full scalp, until the damn barber holds the mirror at the rear of my head to show me how well he cut the remnants, but really is only showing me skin!

I don't visit that barber much anymore. The young ladies at Supercuts never hold a mirror to this old man's head, which goes a long ways towards increasing their tip.

You may be asking what the hell does this have to do with sports? Supposedly if you are free of hair you swim faster, like a dolphin gliding through the water. I would like to glide through the water. The other night I found myself alone in the bathroom looking at the mounds of chest hair, especially the grey chest hair, on my body. "What possible use is this stuff anymore" I asked. "no use" was my answer. So I grabbed some scissors and began trimming.

This brings me to another point. Why do I lack hair on my head, the socially acceptable place to have lots of hair, but have a gift for growing hair on my chest, shoulders, arms, legs and ears? What curse has befallen me? Did I wrong some wizard in high school or college?

While my chest is not without hair, after all I did not shave it, there is less. Will I swim faster? Probably not, having my feet not act like anchors would help that more than losing hair. But I did notice today that my chest itches, like it was shaved. Now I'm really confused and feel like I'm in the Seinfeld episode when Jerry shaves all his chest hair off.

Kramer: Hey Jerry. What is this? Lady Gillette? What's going on?
Jerry: What? Can't I get a moment's peace?
Kramer: What are you doing to yourself?
Jerry walks into camera view with his chest covered with shaving cream.
Jerry: I can't stop. Alex thinks I'm naturally hairless.
Kramer: You can't keep this up. Don't you know what's going to happen? Everytime you shave it, it's going to come in thicker and fuller and darker.
Jerry: Oh that's an old wives tale.
Kramer: Is it? Look at this.
Kramer walks off-screen and opens his shirt. On-screen, Jerry reels from the sight.
Kramer: (high pitched voice) Look at it! Look at it! And it's all me. I shaved there when I was a lifeguard.
Jerry: Oh come on. That's genetics. That's not going to happen to me.
Kramer: Won't it? Or is it already starting to happen?

If you see me at the pool, please be polite and don't stare at my chest or scream.